Older Mares
by Mister Unsmiley
Summary: Looking to enjoy herself while the day is still young, Princess Luna purchases a bottle of Everclear Thunder Dew. The next thing she knows, her sister's in a mood and she's on the evening news. Not so bad. But when Pipsqueak comes to take her on a night on the town, she can hardly refuse an old friend. It's only when he lets the charm flow that things get...problematic. Oh dear.
1. The Charmer

Princess Luna huffed angrily, her star-riddled mane rippling in time with her ever-increasing irritation.

"How _dare _you refuse the patronage of your Princess! We command you to open your establishment immediately!" she bellowed at the stallion behind the glass doors, defiant of the CLOSED sign directly in front of her.

The stallion, to his credit, shook his head. "Sorry Princess, no can do. It's _eight in the morning_, in case you haven't noticed. Law states that I can't start serving alcohol before ten."

"But this is the only time that We can have any!" she cried. "We are _nocturnal_, we are usually in bed by now!"

Still, the bartender shrugged. "Don't know what to tell you, Princess. Try the store down the street, I'm sure they'd be more than happy to accommodate you."

The disappointed princess grumbled something about 'five years dungeon' as she ambled down the street, mentally reminding herself to avoid the bar from now on.

"Where is the proprietor of this store? We wish to make a purchase, posthaste!"

The shop's owner rushed to the front of the store, in part to greet the royalty that had chosen to grace his store with her presence, and in part to make sure that she didn't scare away his customers.

"Princess Luna!" he bowed, heart pumping from exertion and panic. "What a surprise to see you in my humble store! How might I serve you?"

The Princess narrowed her eyes at the piss-colored stallion, wrinkling her nose at his stale scent. "Hear Us, salespony!" she bellowed. "We have dire need of your most powerful spirit! We have little time to enjoy Ourselves, and even less time to engage in activities that We may or may not end up regretting later!"

The stallion's eyes widened, jaw slackening at what his Princess was asking. Slowly, he pulled himself together and bowed his head in obedience.

"Yes, your Majesty." He turned and beckoned for her to follow him into the back of the shop. "Please, come with me. I don't keep It on display for the _hoi polloi_, if you understand me."

In solemn silence, the two ponies trotted toward the rear of the establishment.

Luna coughed violently, reeling when she realized that she had inhaled a cobweb, spider and all.

_Note to self: buy out this property and tax this rotter into the debtor's prison._

She snarled to herself as something occurred to her.

_Wait, Celestia mentioned that she got rid of that centuries ago. Zounds!_

Unaware that her angry frown was scaring the manager, Luna and the stallion two arrived at a stately-looking freezer that appeared quite out of place amongst the derelict rubble that passed for an alcoholic establishment.

"Erm, Princess?" the piss-colored stallion coughed, trying fairly obviously not to upset his patron. "Would you mind turning your head for a moment? I have to enter the combination for the locker."

Princess Luna stared flatly at the increasingly nervous colt. "We fail to see the purpose, proprietor. Even if We _wished_ to rob you of your valuables, We could simply rip this vault to pieces. Such a feat would hardly be taxing for a telekinetic of Our caliber."

He swallowed in anxiety, shivering under his Princess's gaze. "It would do a great deal of good for my ulcer, your Majesty."

Sighing loudly, Luna turned to the side to ease the stallion's distress. "We will concede, for now." She snorted as another thought came to mind. "We can understand that expensive safeguards may be necessary in your line of work, but We fail to see the need to lock away mere drinks under such extreme security."

The stallion coughed again, habitually loosening the tie around his neck. "Ah, you see, Princess, I spent so much money on the safe, I didn't have much money left for a freezer—"

Luna stopped him with a hoof. "Wait, so you mean to tell Us that you spent the majority of your money on a safe, which not _only _contains less than the required amount to buy a simple freezer, but now you store drinks in it that should not be left at room temperature?"

The poor stallion nodded in shame.

Princess Luna chuckled. "Excuse Us while we titter."

After indulging herself in a fairly obnoxious laughing session at the shop owner's expense, the Moon Princess took a deep breath. "You are not a clever pony, are you?"

"You sound like my mother," he muttered.

A _click _was heard as the lock was finally undone. The piss-colored stallion wiped his forehead clean of sweat.

Luna had to restrain herself from yelling out 'five years dungeon!' when he accidentally flung some of his sweat onto her lip.

_The Dark Ages are over, Luna. _She cooled herself down, counting to ten to control her anger. _Radical persecution is no longer an option._

"Now, before you partake of my…product," Luna took note of his hesitance, "would you be a dear and sign this release waiver?" He trembled when the Moon Princess looked at him incredulously. "This drink is monstrously powerful. It could destroy lesser ponies."

Luna rolled her eyes, grasping the waver in her telekinetic grasp and creating a pen with her magic.

The stallion stared awkwardly, putting his pen back in his breast pocket.

"Now Princess, it's important that you know the power of the drink that I am about to give you."

He opened the cooler in the middle of the room, lifting the doors reverently. He dipped his head inside for a brief moment.

He lifted out a tall, clear bottle with great care, making sure to set it down gently on the floor.

"This is a pristine bottle of Everclear Thunder Dew. It is illegal to drink anywhere south of Ponyville, due to its ludicrously high alcohol content. It makes moonshine look like milk in comparison."

Princess Luna raised an eyebrow. "Truly?"

The stallion nodded his head. "It is _so_ powerful, in fact, only ten bottles were ever made. Eight of them were sold to various wealthy nobles." He gulped. "All of them ended up dying within a day."

Luna's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "What? How did this happen?"

The stallion shivered, wrapping his hooves around his chest as if the very thought gave him chills. "Seven of the nobles killed themselves in freak face-eating accidents." He shook his head. "Tragic."

Not even bothering to ask how that was physically possible, Luna pressed on. "You said that eight nobles died. What happened to the last one?"

"Oh," the stallion waved a hand dismissively, "he just happened to die in his sleep. Shame, really."

Princess Luna just stared, before silently pulling her royal coin purse from her saddlebags. "Whatever you say, urine-colored pony. Accept Our payment, and We shall be on Our way."

Taking the required amount of bits from the Princess's magical grasp, the stallion looked up in surprise when he heard the uncorking of a bottle.

"Princess, perhaps you should wait until you're someplace safer—" he started, before she cut him off.

"Please, We are a far cry away from a hoofful of irresponsible, mortal nobles."

"But—"

"Truly, a mere _bottle_, however potent, could never best the likes of Us." She said, with a snort.

"I—" he tried to interject.

"Dost thou honestly think to hinder Us after having already purchased thy product?"

The shop owner gaped, before slowly closing his mouth. After all, he realized a lost cause when he saw one.

At his silence, Luna finally lifted the bottle to her lips, taking a deep, quick swig.

Although somewhat bitter and possessing a great deal of strength behind it, she failed to see the promised _oomph_ of the drink. She raised her head to say as much, before realizing that she was staring into the stern visage of her older sister.

_Celestia? But…when did she get here?_

"Well?" the strict-looking white mare asked impatiently. "I'm waiting for an answer, Luna."

"An answer to _what?_" she replied. _This isn't making sense, _Luna thought to herself. _Mere seconds ago, We were just inside of that substandard liquor store._

Celestia's eyes narrowed. "A re you serious right now? Because I _just _got through explaining in excruciating detail what you did wrong and why I'm upset with you."

Luna rolled her eyes in response, lifting up a hoof to her deadpan expression. "What about Our appearance would invite the possibility that We are not serious?"

The Sun Princess stared blankly, silently levitating a mirror over to her irritated younger sister.

_What._

_WHAT?!_

Princess Luna's prized mane, once the envy of equine kind—and beyond—had been shaved.

The once billowing flow of ethereal hair had been reduced to a shameful flutter, now only reaching down as far as the Princess's ears.

To her horror, Princess Luna found that her hair wasn't the only victim of her drunken exploits. On all four of her (formerly) pristine limbs, she found stark white fishnet leggings, her hind legs adorned with rather trashy black leather boots that reached just below her cutie mark.

Luna let out a whine of incredulity. "Tia, what _happened?_"

Celestia sighed in reply. "I was hoping you'd be able to tell me." Nodding to a unicorn guard in the center of the room, a large pane of glass lit up with a brilliant white-gold aura. Images flickered across the board, settling on what appeared to be a midday news program.

A comely young mare, cream-coated with a striking red mane and a pink suit sat comfortably in front of the cameras.

"_In breaking news today, a young mare who looks _remarkably _like our esteemed Princess Luna was seen cavorting about Canterlot in rather questionable attire."_

A familiar blue-coated alicorn was then shown headbanging her way down the center of the city, bumping into various ponies in a rather obvious attempt to cop a feel.

"_Oops!" _she cried, grinding against a flustered looking unicorn mare.

Luna's jaw dropped as she watched her own drunken exploits, consciously, for the first time.

"_Luckily," _the news anchor pony continued, _"the Royal Guard managed to subdue the crazed mare after a minor scuffle."_

_Well, _Luna thought to herself, _it couldn't _possibly _be that bad._

"_Bitch!" _howled the mare on the screen that was-Luna-but-was-not, _"you got me fucked up!"_

The Moon Princess stared.

And stared.

Turning her attention from the glass pane, Celestia swiveled to face her younger sister. "I know you have a penchant for mischief, Luna, but this goes beyond the pale." She shook her head in disappointment. "Getting rid of your lovely mane, dressing like some mess straight out of the red light district? Grinding on ponies outside of a nightclub?"

Luna flinched under her sister's gaze as one she continued one of her trademark monologues. "Honestly, Luna, this kind of behavior is unacceptable for a pony of _any _standing, much less a Princess. We've had to run all kinds of interference in the media just so this kind of incident doesn't make it outside of Canterlot!" She stomped angrily towards her younger sister, jolting the midnight blue mare onto her knees. "Just _what _do you have say for yourself?"

Luna cowered underneath her forehooves, shaking involuntarily in fright. "We are sorry, sister! We don't know what came over Us, We swear it! Please, do not harm Us!" She flinched, inching backwards as a concerned Celestia stretched out a hoof to comfort her. "We promise, We will not do anything to upset you again!"

All of Celestia's righteous anger dwindled away, replaced instead by a dull, blunt hurt implanted there by her own sister.

_Is this my existence now,_ The Sun Goddess thought to herself, _that I am truly so far above anything else that even my own sister fears me?_

She reasoned that it wasn't that long ago that her own sister returned from her imprisonment that had spanned lifetimes.

_Ironic how your only constant companion is loneliness itself, is it not?_

Allowing herself only a brief, delightfully bitter moment to embrace the sardonic sentiment, Celestia returned her attention to her once-and-no-longer equal.

"Go," she said, the hollowness of her voice matching the void in her eyes. "We will contain the disaster for now."

Scampering to her hooves, the disgraced princess ducked her head and ran out of the room.

* * *

A lean, muscular young stallion sauntered his way down the street, his red bandana undulating against his unique calico coat. A catchy tune sprung from his lips as he ambled down towards the early evening's sunset, eyes locked lazily on the Princesses' castle.

"_Yo ho, all together, hoist the colors high! Heave ho, thieves and beggars, never shall we die!" _He winked playfully at a group of mares who whistled and let out cat-calls at his passing.

_Really, Pip, must you leave a trail of broken hearts everywhere you go?_

The young bachelor chuckled at his thoughts, wondering how his life-long friend would react if he voiced them.

_Pretty young thing would probably box my ears if I so much as suggested it._

He hummed to himself as he trotted down the street at a leisurely pace, slowing as he found himself in front of a flower stall.

"My my, Sunburst, you and your morning glories are look as dazzling as ever!" he said to the fairly attractive yellow-coated unicorn behind the stall.

A blush spread across her face as she hid behind her long red locks. "Oh, leave this poor old spinster alone, you silvertongue!"

Pipsqueak let out a bark of boyish laughter. "Perhaps I should, but you're just too tempting!"

The both of them let out a hearty chuckle, reveling in the game that the two of them had played for ages. Recalling something to memory, Pipsqueak reached inside of his saddlebags and pulled out a bouquet of flowers and placed them on top of her stall.

"For you," he said, ducking his head when she let out a gasp of surprise.

"Oh _Pip_, you certainly didn't have to—" she started.

Pipsqueak smoothly interrupted her with a wave of his hoof. "I'm sure I didn't _have_ to, Sunny. I wanted to." His mouth spread in a genuine smile when she cradled the bouquet of lilies and black roses to her breast, inhaling their scent appreciatively.

"How did you know?" she murmured. "It's been eight years today since my Morning Glory passed."

He nodded slowly, draping a leg over her withers. "Nopony should ever be forgotten," he said, squeezing his foreleg slightly in a comforting gesture. "Or unappreciated." He nuzzled her under her jaw briefly, before stepping away.

Sunburst smiled, her coat seeming to glisten as he spoke to her. "Ever the gentlecolt, even when you were smaller than my knee."

Pipsqueak rolled his eyes. "Gentlecolt, _me? _ Please, I'm just in it for your body."

Sunburst snorted, punching him lightly in the shoulder. "Lies, all of them. If that were true, you would've hit this _ages _ago."

The two of them laughed together, leaning on each other as peals of laughter rang through the marketplace.

As their chuckles of mirth drew to a close, they both righted themselves.

Pipsqueak took a casual step backwards. "Well, I'd better leave you to it, Sunny."

She pouted playfully, lidding her eyes. "So soon, Pip?"

_Bugger, she's giving me the ol' bedroom eyes. Time to roll out, old boy!_

Pipsqueak laughed only moderately awkwardly, circling around the older mare.

"Oh hush, you know I'll be back to check on you." He smacked her flank playfully with his tail, scuttling away while the flustered mare stammered with her words.

_Just _how _do I keep forgetting that flirting can actually work?_

* * *

Luna moped around in her room, sulking as she lounged on her bed and nursed an absolute behemoth of a hangover from a drunken morning she couldn't even remotely remember.

_At least no faces were eaten in the midst of my drunken haze_, she thought, dropping the Royal We in the solitude of her thoughts.

There was a knock at her door.

"Enter," she called, not bothering to change her appearance.

She heard a whistle as hoofsteps signaled the pony's trot to her bed. "Oh dear, is it my birthday already?"

Luna groaned into her pillow, realizing she had forgotten to remove her leggings and boots. Her position on the bed with her hindlegs splayed carelessly probably hadn't helped.

"What are you doing here, Pip?" she moaned. "In case you hadn't noticed, I'm busy wallowing in my misery."

"Oh, I noticed, all right." He nosed at her horn, chuckling when she rose, as if jolted. "I'm here to get you out of your funk."

"What if I want to stay funky?" she snarked, petulantly.

He snorted at her choice of words, sitting down in front of her bed with his head rested on his forelegs. "Well, I'd tell you that that's just too bad. After all, today's the Friday that you promised we would spend hanging out together."

Luna groaned. "You're right. But do you honestly think that with my latest fiasco that going out is a good idea?"

Pipsqueak's ears flattened as he lowered his voice. "I understand, Luna." He sighed, stretching his forehooves in an exaggerated gesture. "I mean, you only _promised _me a wonderful night, just you and me, two friends, not a care in the world."

Luna groaned, doing her best not to ogle the friend that she'd known since he was a colt. "Pip, don't _do _this to me."

But he ignored her, going on in his fairly successful guilt trip. "I guess we could just stay indoors, then. We could play some board games, maybe watch a movie…" His eyes lit up as he 'suddenly' had an idea. "Ooh! I could even give you a horn polishing _and _a wing preening! After that, I could give you one of those hoof massages you love so much!"

"N-no, that won't be necessary!" Luna was trying to keep too much blood from running to her face while simultaneously struggling to pin her wings to her back.

_Does he always have to tease me so maliciously?_

"Oh, come _on_, Lulu," he sang, relishing the look on her face when he used his nickname for her, "live a little!" He rolled on his forehooves as he stretched across her carpeted floor. "Who knows, maybe I'll show you some of the yoga I've been doing!" Making sure not to make contact with her now pinpricked eyes, he lay down on his stomach. "You're absolutely right, who would even _want _to go outside when there's so much to do in here? In your room?" His eyes shone suggestively. "Alone?"

He could tell by the flushed, hesitant look on her face that she was actually _considering _what he meant entirely to tease her with.

"You win," she grumbled, easing the short-lived tension in the air.

Grinning happily, Pipsqueak wagged his tail excitedly. "Now, was that so hard?"

Luna, swiveling to her back so that her forelegs were in the air, decided to do some teasing of her own. "Remind me again, Pip," she said, reaching her head up to remove one of her fishnet stockings, "why _exactly_ do I keep you around?"

Pipsqueak raised an eye at the show she was giving him. "You mean aside from my heartbreaking good-looks?"

He received a snort for an answer. "Well, I keep things real for you, I would guess. Other ponies would go through the trouble of stepping on eggshells just to make sure they don't offend you. Me?" He gestured to himself proudly. "I find eggshells a rather uncomely hoof ornament."

He reached up, grasping one of Luna's forehooves with one of his own. "Here." He bit down on one of her stockings, pulling it off while looking her intently in the eye.

Luna winced at his actions, cursing how he could beat her at her own games.

"You know, Pip," she said, managing to tamper down the quiver in her voice, "one doesn't court a lady with crude suggestions and meager efforts to feel her up." She bit the inside of her cheek when he moved around the edge of the bed, climbing on top of it to remove her boots and hugging her right hindleg to his chest.

_Oh, THAT'S just not fair! _She mentally screamed to herself.

"Well then, Lulu, it's a good thing I'm not trying to court you or anything." He pulled off one of her boots, rubbing her leg with a casualness that she reserved only for him. "Just two good friends, enjoying one another's presence and humbly acknowledging that the other is beyond attractive."

Luna narrowed her eyes. "One of whom desperately wishes to bed the other?"

Pipsqueak raised a hoof to his mouth in fake shock. "Well, I knew you had _urges_, Lulu, but I always trusted you to keep it in your haunches!" Chuckling at her look of indignation, he added, "Besides, I said that we're _good _friends, not _best _friends."

He could've sworn he'd heard her mutter something about a dungeon.

Both ponies started as the doors to her chambers slammed open. Celestia panted as her eyes locked onto Luna. "Luna, listen, we need to—"

She stopped midsentence, gaping when she saw the two of them on the bed together. Luna's leg in the air, hugged to the handsome young stallion's chest, while her younger sister lay pressed into the bed.

Celestia slowly backed out of the room, making sure to close the door tightly.

After a long, dread-filled silence, Pipsqueak finally spoke.

"Well, that was awkward."

* * *

Luna let out a yelp of surprise when Pipsqueak stopped their trot, yanking her gently by a wing into a nearby alley.

"Pip, what are you—" but he silenced her with a hoof to his lips, mouthing the word _shh_.

She obeyed him, following the young stallion deeper into the dark crevices between the buildings.

She nearly shrieked when he pushed her lightly against a wall, darting in and pecking her on the lips.

Luna blushed madly, sputtering out meaningless words when his hooves held hers to the wall, his knee finding its way between her legs.

"I just figured you'd still want that horn polish and wing preening favor, yeah?" He grinned boyishly before planting a long, hot kiss on her neck.

Luna quivered, wings scraping against the brick wall as she tried to stand properly. "Pip, w-we really shouldn't do this!" Her voice reached an octave higher when one of his hooves brushed against the side of her left wing.

"Yeah?" was his only reply, before going back to nipping at her throat.

"It isn't PROper!" she cried when he reached a particularly sensitive nerve.

"Then tell me to stop," he said, his lips shifting into a satisfied grin when she didn't reply.

Her mouth opened in a gasp when she felt his excitement against her inner thigh. Taking it for an invitation, Pipsqueak quickly claimed her mouth, courageously massaging her tongue and exploring what he could of her.

Princess Luna's moans escalated, muffled by their passionate kissing, when his hooves turned their full attention to her wings, massaging the primary feathers before making their way down to the bases of the limbs.

Pipsqueak himself gasped when he felt Luna's own excitement dripping from her haunches onto his member. He seized her hips, breaking the kiss momentarily to spin her around so she was chest first against the brick wall. Moving his head up, he took her horn into his mouth, swirling his tongue around this tip before bobbing his head down teasingly.

Luna's panicked moans were increasing in volume, with nothing to cover up the sounds. She groaned when she realized she was already on the precipice of an orgasm, being worked like a young virgin in the back streets of her own city, where anypony could walk up and catch the two of them going at it.

The mere thought of it catapulted her into an intense orgasm, far more intense than any she'd had in a fair while (which she attributed to not having had any excitement in a millennia or so). Her hair, shortened as it was to a small cloud of stars dancing around her head, shook violently as she arched her back, walls clenching at nothing as her legs dripped with her own excitement. Her body sagged against the wall as her posterior faced outwards, wings flapping frantically as she came onto her stallion's member.

She heard Pipsqueak chuckle as he ceased his ministrations on her horn. "Lovely, Lulu, but I hope you don't think I'm quite down with you yet.

"Hrgrhmum," came her intelligent reply.

"Good," he hummed. He lifted her gently from the wall, placing the flagging Moon Princess on her back. Her hindlegs, splayed in either direction, were gripped firmly between his forelegs. Her wings, still stiff from arousal, flapped out of sync.

Luna looked at the stallion above her, confident, caring smirk in place as he leaned in closer to peck her on the nose. She sighed; she, the Princess of the Moon, feared and loved by many, on her back about to be rutted by the very same stallion who had been but a colt not so very long ago. She'd reflect on the sentimentality of it all later, she supposed; now, she let her eyes shine with her approval, smacking her lover-friend in the leg, beckoning for him to take her in her favorite position.

He took the plunge, dipping as far as he could into his best friend. The both of them sighed, taking a moment to appreciate their joining for the first time. Luna's tail wrapped around Pipsqueak's, intertwining in a most intimate show of affection. Her hooves wrapped around his neck as he drew back his hips, driving forward into her. They met again with a satisfying _thmp_, her passage smoothed by her previous stimulation.

Pipsueak's hooves drifted down to Luna's narrow hips, marveling how he was able to fit into her at all. He hugged her flanks, driving himself into her steadily, somehow managing not to lose his mind in her velvet tunnels. He moaned into her ear, driving deeper and deeper into his mare as her legs bobbed erratically in the air.

His thrusting became more frantic, crushing into her desperately as her moans fueled his actions. She petted his mane smoothly, whispering short, passionate words of praise into his ears as he rocked into her hard enough to scooch her forward on the hard ground. She grunted with every assault on her marehood, feeling another orgasm make itself known to her. Her walls started to clench around his stallionhood, and she knew he was close as well, if the slackening of his limbs and the way he moaned her name was anything to go by.

"Yes, _please, _say my name," she begged, feeling the tip of his penis flare inside of her.

"What do you think you're doing?!" he screeched into her ear, shocking the moon princess out of the romance of the moment.

"W-what?" she cried, eyes shrinking to pinpricks at the angry look on his face.

Luna was tugged to the inside of the street by a worried looking Pipsqueak.

_What? What happened to the—_

"I'm _so _sorry, madam, my friend here was disoriented. She had no intention of barging into you like that." Pipsqueak reasoned to a cross-looking noble.

"Well then, see to it that she watches where she's going next time! I'll have you know, I am the matriarch of the highly esteemed Dicc noble family!"

To his credit, Pipsqueak managed to disguise his laugh as a cough. "I'm sorry?"

Luna watched on, depressed, as she realized that she had not, in fact, been making passionate love to her closest friend, but had been walking for a fair amount of time next to him, lost in a vivid daydream.

_I guess that's all I can hope for_, she sighed. She flinched when she realized something was weighing her head down, obscuring her horn. The same feeling was present on her haunches, where she sported saddlebags. _Where in the world did he find a hat this size?_

The noblemare looked affronted, unaware of the young stallion's amusement, instead offended that he hadn't heard of her family. "Are you _implying_ you've never heard of our lineage?"

"I am, madam," he replied. "I'm just a humble earth pony from Trottingham, Pipsqueak." He took her hoof in his and kissed it lightly, earning an obnoxious giggle from the noblemare. "If I may ask your name?"

Luna gritted her teeth, wishing she could set the not-at-all-attractive mare's hoof on fire as Pipsqueak's lips pressed against it. _Five. Years. DUNGEON._

"I am the esteemed Lady Anita, fair Pipsqueak." She chuckled, fighting back a blush as the debonair young stallion bowed respectfully to her.

"Well, Lady Anita…Dicc?" he said cautiously, testing the waters.

_Indeed!_

The noblemare nodded, allowing him to refer to her on more informal terms.

Pipsqueak continued, circling around her, "How absolutely _blessed_ your husband must be with such a comely wife! Truly, Celestia Herself must have shown favor on him in order to acquire a lovely mare such as yourself!"

Lady Anita giggled like a schoolfilly, not knowing what to do with her limbs as she stood, beaming as the attractive colt wasted no time standing on ceremony. "Oh my, you flatter me, young sir! But you are mistaken, as I have never married. The Dicc women are by tradition single by choice. The only mare to have married in recent times would be my sister, Terra." She made sure to bat her eyes in what was an anything-but-subtle attempt at a hint.

_Dear me, I wonder why_, Luna thought to herself sarcastically.

The calico-coated young stallion smirked crookedly, striking pangs of adoration in both mares' hearts at the sight. "Well, Lady Anita, I should be so bold as to suggest that your heart is as beautiful as the rest of you." The noblemare's face was as red as an apple; clearly, she wasn't used to receiving compliments at all, much less from an attractive stallion. "Would you be ever so kind as to forgive my friend here? She's dreadfully used to dizzy spells, you see."

The noblemare waved with a hoof casually. "Oh, that's all in the past, dear. Bygones, and such."

Pipsqueak nodded gratefully, turning to Luna briefly as if to say _You owe me, mare_, before turning back to the infatuated noblepony. "We're terribly grateful to you, madam. Now, I've taken up enough of your time, I believe. I would have to be an absolute scoundrel to keep you from your busy day."

The mare stared at him dreamily. "Oh, I don't mind in the _slightest_."

Pipsqueak bowed once more, saying, "Well, we had best be on our way, milady. It was a pleasure and more meeting you this fine evening." He turned, guiding Luna away as they continued on their way down the street.

Pipsqueak rolled his eyes good-humoredly as he heard the excited squealing of the noblemare behind him, prancing about and whispering loudly into her hoof, "Oh, I feel so _pretty!_"

Luna scowled to herself as the two of them trotted in silence. Finally, she said, "I appreciate your intervention, but do you _have _to go butter up every single older mare that we come across?"

Pipsqueak didn't rise to the bait, instead saying, "Nopony wants to feel as if they're being forgotten, Lulu." He turned to face her, a genuine smile on his face. "Or unappreciated. You of all ponies should know that."

She flinched as he walked on ahead of her, trotting lazily towards his destination. Shaking her head, she sped up and caught up with her friend.

"And what, pray tell, is _that_ supposed to mean?" she snapped, still upset with him for openly flirting with another mare. So upset, in fact, that she didn't care that it was for her own benefit.

He stopped his trot, stepping closer to look her in the eyes. "What do you want it to mean?"

Shocked, she opened her mouth to reply…

…only to find that she had no response.

Pipsqueak held the gaze a moment longer, before beginning his trot anew, letting his tail graze slightly against her coat.


	2. The Charmed

Not for the first time that night, Luna mentally scolded herself for allowing her gaze to drift down to Pipsqueak's flanks.

_Would you STOP IT already? He is your closest friend, this is no way for a mare of your standing to behave!_

Her inner monologue once again quieted as the spotted stallion's tail twitched briefly, exposing his firm, _tantalizing_—

_Stop. Right. There!_

She panted to herself, willing her legs not to quiver and her wings to stay glued to her back.

_Although_, she thought to herself, _I must wonder if it is true, what they say about earth ponies._ _About their..._ her tail swished unconsciously, _stamina._

Pip lifted his snout to the air, sniffing at it curiously. "Luna, what do you suppose that smell is?"

The Moon Princess put on a blank smile, conjuring an image of an old stallion in her mind's eye to kill her arousal. "I'm not sure, Pip. Perhaps it is the _alluring _smell of a flower?"

She winced at her very unintentional pun.

Pipsqueak snorted, his tone taking a low, curious tone. "I don't buy it, Lulu. I smell wide-ons."

Luna blanched, saying nothing as the two friends trekked into a fairly new-looking establishment on the corner of an oft-traveled street.

Her stallion-problems momentarily forgotten, Luna gasped in surprise, clasping her hooves to her mouth. "Canterlot's…new gaming café?" She looked over to her grinning friend, who nodded enthusiastically, taking one of her hooves in his.

"Do you like it?" he asked, smiling even though his eyes hinted at apprehension.

"Oh _Pip_, I—" she looked to him, then looked to the grouping of custom-made computers made specifically for entertainment purpose. "I, you—" she choked on her words, growling sensually as she realized she wasn't sure which set of lovingly crafted hardware—her eyes glanced briefly over Pipsqueak's respectably muscled chest—she wanted to get her hooves on first.

"How did you even know? You're just…" she bit her tongue, refraining from saying 'filthy casual', "you're not into video games, are you?"

He shook his head modestly. "Nope," he admitted, poking her lightly on the chest. "But _you _are, so I knew that I had to bring you here on opening night."

Her mouth stretched into an immeasurable smile, so excited that she was torn between beaming at her friend and crushing him in a bear-hug.

Pipsqueak's head dipped into his saddlebags, clenching his teeth onto a ticket and releasing it for Luna to catch with her magic.

Seeing her questioning look, Pipsqueak cleared his throat before answering. "VIP lounge, in the theater room." He grinned at her incredulous look. "Have fun!"

Luna's hooves were outstretched, confused as how to convey her appreciation.

So, she instead grasped his head in her hooves and licked him from one side of his face to the other.

Pipsqueak stood at the entrance of the café, smile frozen on his face as a tuft of his fur pointed out at nothing. His best friend scampered off down the hall as he made his way to the casual lounge across the hall, one leg at a time.

* * *

Pipsqueak smiled and nodded as Luna babbled directly into his ear about how 'amazing' and 'wondrous' her experience in the café was.

A few hours had passed since their night on the town had begun, and the stars were out in earnest.

"Sex!" Luna exclaimed, chuckling when Pipsqueak tripped over his own legs in surprise.

"I'm _so _glad that I managed to get your attention." She said, rolling her eyes. She coughed into the crook of her forehoof, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like '_pervert_'.

Getting up, Pipsqueak brushed some of the dirt from his chest before addressing his friend. "Well, you know me, Lulu: a whisper of your lovely voice and I _stand at attention_." He wiggled his hips for emphasis, smirking when Luna gaped at the audacity of his reply.

"I was _going _to ask you where we were headed next, smartflank," she said, wisely changing the subject. As punishment for teasing her relentlessly, she smacked him lightly on the flank.

She immediately regretted it.

Pipsqueak turned slowly, biting his lip playfully. "Oh _Luna_, I had no idea you were such an exhibitionist." His voice had dropped an octave. "But if you _must _know, I had planned for us to have dinner at a restaurant nearby. Do try to keep your hooves from roaming until afterwards, hm?"

Luna sputtered as her wings spasmed underneath her saddlebags. "P-_Pipsqueak_!" she hissed, shifting her hindlegs anxiously, "This is no way to behave in public!"

But her white-coated companion tilted his head in confusion. "What are you _talking _about? All I said was that we're headed to a restaurant."

Luna's eye twitched when she realized that, yes, Pipsqueak _had _said just that, with no sexual inflection whatsoever on his part.

_That was no mere daydream. Might I be…hallucinating?_

She met Pipsqueak's worried stare for a moment, before her eyes flicked to the space between his hindlegs for a brief moment, before flicking back up.

_And does it matter?_

Her best friend stepped backwards cautiously before clearing his throat. "I think we should get going, Luna. We wouldn't want to be late for our reservations."

Luna trotted forward, never taking her eyes off of Pipsqueak. "Yes, you're right, as usual." Her tail wrapped around his momentarily, giving a playful tug as she walked past him. "Heavens forbid we partake in anything time-consuming or immediately gratifying."

Pipsqueak gaped, working his jaw as he tried to remember how to form words. "W-what is _that_ supposed to mean?"

He backpedaled when Luna was immediately in his face, eyes lidded and muzzle inches from his.

"What do you_ want_ it to mean?"

They continued their walk to the restaurant in awkward, horny silence.

* * *

"Princess Celestia! We found something in your sister's saddlebags that may give us some answers!" The guard stopped just before his Princess, allowing her to take the mentioned item from his mouth with her magic.

"Thank you," she said, turning what appeared to be a bottle over in her magical grasp. "Perhaps with this, we can—" Her spoken thoughts ground to a halt as she glanced upon the bottle's label.

_Everclear Thunder Dew© contains thunder, dew, thunder dew, water, alcohol, and distilled friendship. Consumption may result in desires to eat faces, killer hangovers, and astronomical horniness. By purchasing Everclear Thunder Dew ©, you accept all responsibilities and take your own life into your hooves. Drink responsibly!_

Princess Celestia eyed the bottle incredulously. "This drink is a diplomatic accident waiting to happen! What kind of _moron _would legalize something this dangerous?"

The guard coughed into his hoof, shifting his tail awkwardly. "It was your nephew, your Highness."

Her eyebrows raised into her mane. "Is this not the drink that was responsible for the death of seven nobles?"

The guard nodded, replying "It is, Princess, but the legal disclaimer on the bottle prevents any kind of persecution." He shrugged. "In the Prince's defense, though, nopony really liked those nobles anyway."

The Princess floated the bottle closer for a better look. "Nopony likes the nobles, Private North Knox."

"I'm Private Easterly, your Majesty." He corrected.

Princess Celestia snorted, still staring at the bottle. "And you _honestly _expect me to be bothered with remembering your names? All of you look exactly the same." She squinted as she turned her head to look the guard in the eye.

An awkward silence passed between the two while the guard huffed to himself and the Princess examined the bottle that made her doubt her sobriety just _looking_ at it.

* * *

"Piiiiiiiiip," Luna moaned, leaning against her friend in the restaurant booth.

To his credit, Pipsqueak resisted the near-overpowering urge to facehoof, instead addressing his friend. "What is it _this _time?"

"I've got a fever—"

"No you don't." he interjected.

"—and the only prescription, is a bullet from your _love gun_." She finished, obviously trying too hard to be seductive.

"Luna, stop making that duckface. It's a bad look and you should feel bad."

The waiter, a snooty-looking pony, trotted up to their table. "Are you ready to order, madam?"

"Yes!" Luna chirped, looking over the menu. "I'll have the stuffed eggplant and ratatouille, and I would appreciate it _ever so greatly_ if you would be so kind to bring my friend here _a sex drive._"

The waiter blinked while Pipsqueak stared on, mortified. "I'll have what she's having," the mottled young pony said quickly, hurrying the flustered waiter along.

"What the _hay _has gotten into you, Luna?" he nearly yelled, raising his hooves over his head. "Ever since we left the café, you've been acting like some grabby maniac!"

Luna huffed, stirring the straw around her cup idly. "Geeze Pipsqueak, I'm just showing affection to my best friend, relax."

Pipsqueak shook his head, clearly upset. "_I'm _not the one who needs to relax, Luna! I'm all for some fun and games, but embarrassing me in public like this is pushing it!"

"You're always the one insinuating, Pip! It's hardly my fault once I choose to _reciprocate!_" she hissed.

"That. Is. _Flirting_." He replied, just as evenly. "It's joking, funny, and most of all, it's _private._ I've never once tried to bed you like you have me!"

"Well then, it's a good thing I'm picking up the slack, isn't it?" she said, crossing her forelegs angrily.

Pipsqueak sputtered. "What are you going on about now?"

"For goodness' sake, Pip, you're a _colt_!" Luna exclaimed, throwing up her hooves in frustration. "You should know, your mind's only on one thing!"

She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth.

Pipsqueak's eyes widened, before narrowing and looking the Moon Goddess directly in the eye.

"Shame on you." His breaths turned shallow as he tried to control his anger, focusing on the crumbs on his saucer. "I thought you were better than that, Princess."

Luna stammered, knowing now that she had _really _fucked up. "P-Pip, I'm _so _sorry, I wasn't thinking, and it just came out—" she said as she reached a hoof across the table in an effort to placate her friend.

Pipsqueak shifted away from her touch, growling softly. "Don't _touch me._"

Luna flinched, pulling her hoof back to her side and mentally thrashing herself for being so thoughtless to her best friend.

They waited in silence for their dinner.

* * *

"Private West Wood—" she started.

"Easterly," he corrected again.

"—who do think is the more attractive Princess?" she asked, without skipping a beat.

Private Easterly gaped, no words coming from his mouth, the only sound in the room coming from his rapidly beating heart. _How the_ hell_ do I answer this? _He screamed to himself. The fact that she was facing away from him only made the poor guard even _more _frightened.

"Please, I promise I will not be offended. After all, there is no right or wrong answer."

_Lies. Blatant lies._

He steeled himself, making his decision.

"In all honesty, Princess, I would have to say that you are."

_Right answer__. _She rolled her eyes, sitting down despondently. "Of course. You're just saying that because I _frighten_ you," she muttered.

Private Easterly frowned, cocking his head at the Princess's mood. "You do frighten me, yes, but that has little to nothing to do with my attraction to you, Princess."

She lifted her head, ears flickering in his direction. "Attraction, you say?" She swiveled to face the now-nervous guard. "And _what _would you say fuels your _attraction_ to me?"

He inwardly shrugged, telling himself that he had probably already lost his job anyway. "Well, uh, Princess, you have, uh, lovely legs. Very shapely and all."

A ghost of a smile crossed Celestia's lips, but she said nothing.

The guard blinked, realizing what he was saying. _Is she… _But he shook his head, deciding to continue. "And your mane, it is _truly _beautiful, I could stare at it for hours." He stammered.

She held her smile, but the private could tell that it was superficial, like a porcelain mask.

He muttered to himself, rubbing the back of his head. "Right, right, you probably get that all the time."

She nodded. "I do."

Private Easterly paused, considering the wisdom of his next statement. "Princess…your _flank_…like, wow."

Celestia went rigid, turning her head so quickly that it was a miracle her neck didn't snap. "Pardon?

The guard shrugged, readjusting his wings to give his body something to do. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you have some zebra in your blood."

The Sun Goddess frowned, shifting her eyes to look at her backside. "So…you're saying that I'm fat?"

"No no no!" he replied, coughing to dislodge his heart from his throat. "I'm saying that you're very shapely and…kidnap resistant."

The Princess mulled over his response for a moment, before she broke out in a genuine smile.

"If I may ask, Princess," the stallion started, emboldened by their less-than-formal conversation, "why would appearances matter to you?"

Celestia sighed, rising from her place on the floor. "I'm a _very _old mare, Private." She looked him in the eye, allowing some of her age to show for a brief moment. "Even old mares like to know that they're not scary and decrepit." She smiled wryly, narrowing an eye playfully at who was quickly becoming one of her favorite guards. "Not that I'm going to forget that comment about my flank, mind you."

Private Easterly snorted. "Not that I'd let you."

The Princess smile widened. "My word, you're certainly the most fun I've had out of you guards in decades." Her tail's constantly winding motion slowed, flicking erratically from side to side, as if anticipating something. "If I didn't know better, I'd say that you're trying to seduce your Princess, Private."

Now he was the one to raise an eyebrow, acting much cooler than he felt. "Are you feeling seduced, Princess?"

Celestia eyed her guard a moment more, before turning to the nearly forgotten bottle, uncapping it, and taking a moderate swig. Heat spread across her body and set her teeth jittering, wings unfurling slightly.

"Accompany me, Private Easterly," she said, headed for her chambers while somehow managing to keep her composure.

"I'm feeling _mighty low!_"

After their silent dinner, Pipsqueak left the required amount of bits on the table—being royalty, Luna much would have preferred to pay for the dinner herself, but Pipsqueak didn't look like he was in the mood to debate her anyway.

They stepped out into the late-night atmosphere, shivering slightly at the bite of the cold.

Pipsqueak turned and started walking down the street.

Speaking for the first time in over an hour, Luna caught up to him and said "Where are we going next?"

"_I'm_ going home," he replied, not taking his eyes off of the road.

Luna's voice choked in her throat, before she sprinted ahead of the sulking earth pony.

"Pip, _please_, talk to me." She pleaded, reduced to whining.

"Why?" he asked with a snort. "You know all about dangerous colts like me, yeah? You'd better watch yourself, otherwise my honeyed words might find me a way between your _haunches._"

_Holy _hell, _does_ _he sounds erotic when he's angry. _ "Pip, I'm _sorry_, you know that!"

"No, see, Luna, I'm only a young _stallion_. Why else would I want to spend a night with the mare that I've known since I was little? Celestia forbid I just want to be around my friend!"

Luna winced, letting him vent for the moment. "This isn't just about me, is it?"

He flinched for a moment, before continuing his rant. "Do you _know _how hard it is to be chivalrous these days? Every other time I tell a mare my own age that she's looking radiant—do you know what they do, Luna? Because I'll _tell _you what they do, and it's not nice, not at all."

Luna stood silently on the nigh-abandoned street, listening to what her friend had to say.

"They'll immediately say that they're 'not interested,' or that they already have a coltfriend. Hell, some just have their brains between their _fucking legs_," Luna winced at his uncharacteristic use of profanity, "and think that just because I told them that their mane is looking exquisite, or that I can appreciate the effort they went through that morning to get ready, they're already reaching for the keys to their apartment!" Pipsqueak trotted angrily back and forth on the cobblestone, snorting and grinding his teeth all the while.

"Pip," Luna started, distraught for her conflicted friend.

"I can be as _noble_, or _fair_ as I want, and there's always someone who tries get something out of it!" He pawed the sidewalk. "What the hell happened to being gallant just to be gallant?"

Suddenly, the young stallion lost his steam, and fell back on his haunches, tail between his legs.

"Cripes…" he muttered, brushing his mane back with a hoof, "it feels like ages since I just sat down."

Luna hesitated, before deciding to walk behind her friend and place her forelegs over his withers in what she hoped was a comforting hug.

"Luna," he grumbled, attempting to shrug her off, to no avail.

"Shut up, tiny," she said, tightening her grip around his neck, "we're about to have a moment."

The two of them simply rested there on the sidewalk, completely alone except for a few stragglers here and there. Luna _hmmed_ as she rested her head on his shoulder, before sitting down and pulling her younger friend into her lap. Her heart sighed as well when she heard his breathing speed up, and felt the _th-thud _of his own heart resonate through him.

"You've grown up," she said, squeezing her hooves around his stomach.

"I noticed," he replied, rolling his eyes even though he knew she wouldn't be able to see it.

"Even when you were smaller than my knee, you were always the dashing little rogue." She smiled as Pipsqueak groaned underneath her. "Always defending my honor when it was insulted, or rushing to help somepony just because they needed it." She nipped his ear playfully, enjoying the sight of him fidgeting.

It didn't hurt that the way his tail twitched against her was _more _than delightful, but she banished that thought to the back of her mind.

"I'm sorry, truly, Pipsqueak." She said, reaching forward with her long neck and nuzzling him under his chin. "I wasn't myself this evening, and I ended up offending my closest friend because of my lack of restraint."

Pipsqueak was silent for a moment, before he slowly returned her nuzzle. "How long?" he asked. He didn't need to say what for.

Luna hugged him tighter for a moment, before replying, her voice much smaller than usual. "Will you promise not to be mad?" she meeped.

He promised.

Luna sighed, blowing the wisps of her mane back from her forehead. "It was a subtle sort of thing, actually. Celestia and I had gotten back into the mix of things, and the more efficient we became at dividing our time as rulers, the more time we had to ourselves. She spent more time with her student, Twilight Sparkle, and I, well," she chuckled, sitting back and rubbing Pipsqueak on the top of his head, "I had a little colt with a big heart to get to know."

His tail flicked forward for a moment, bringing a jolt of silent pleasure to the Princess's nether regions. Still, for the sake of her composure, she continued speaking.

"For so long, we would talk about the things that interested us. I wouldn't have to be an immortal monarch, and you wouldn't have to be'just some little whelp that doesn't know what he's talking about'. I would tell you stories from when I was your age, and you would always manage to astound me with some of your insight and innocence." She swallowed. "And then…"

"And then?" Pipsqueak prodded, leaning in closer into her embrace.

She sighed, unconsciously rubbing herself against his tail in response. "And then, one night, I woke up to go see you again, and I had realized how much you had grown."

Luna turned his gently, making sure to look her friend in the eyes for what she said next. "You were still the dashing rogue from when you were a colt…but at the foot of my bed, where a stubby little pony once stood, there was a caring, honest-hearted, one-of-a-kind stallion."

The heat that had run to his face was so intense, she could feel it without even being in contact with his skin.

"And Pipsqueak, how you had _changed_." She crooned, rubbing his chest lightly with one hoof. "I mean, sure you had your personality and all, but your voice was so _debonair_, and your chest—" she visibly shook at this. "And Pip, oh my, _your flanks_," she said, much to the amusement and slight mortification of her friend. "You must have some zebra blood in you, because those _flanks_."

Pipsqueak's breath had returned to its previous heightened speed, and Luna realized that the two of them had been getting _far _too excited to be publicly acceptable.

Feeling a sudden impulse, Luna turned to Pipsqueak's neck, running her lips over it and nipping at it occasionally. He moaned quietly as he pushed back into her, hooves scraping on the cobblestone street.

"It's only fair that I give my two cents too," he muttered, bracing himself by putting a hoof against Luna's thigh.

"Pardon?" she murmured, still occupied with caressing his strong, taut withers.

"When I was…getting older," he said, settling against Luna's stomach, "I had realized the difference between fillies and colts. My friends were changing, and I guess you could say that attraction started setting in. For them, at least."

Luna continued nipping at his neck, pleased that he hadn't asked her to stop.

"Mmm, then, of course, when I lost that ignorance that only a foal has, I noticed that I was looking at _you _differently too."

Luna raised an eyebrow at his confession, chewing on his ear idly as she listened.

"At first," he admitted, "...I was ashamed that I was picturing the two of us in such a fashion. I thought it was some detestable perversion of the bond that we shared." He blushed. "For the longest time, I had wanted to know if your cutie mark was one solid mass, or if it split under…you know."

Luna smirked. _Who knows? Maybe we'll both find out._

"Then," he said, gulping, "I found myself wondering what it would be like to…be _with_ you, if you will." He chuckled nervously. "Forgive me for sounding like a hypocrite, but until I could get a hold of myself, it was all that I would think about." He brushed his tail against Luna's thigh, intentionally this time, prompting a surprised squeal from the Moon Goddess. "I found myself in so many moral kerfuffles—"

Luna snorted childishly. "Kerfuffles," she muttered.

"—about the silliest little things." His voice dropped an octave as he put a hoof over one of Luna's forelegs. "I know how you like to submit, Lulu." He admitted quietly. "How you _crave _subjugation. I wouldn't blame you for it, seeing as how you're always in control of an entire country and such. So," he said, taking on a tone that was both sensuous and contemplative, "I would wonder, 'Would I take her from behind and give her what she wants? Or would I be selfish and lay her on her back, so that I could look at her?'"

Luna noticed that her breath, and had to press down the wings that had become partially erect.

Pipsqueak sighed, rubbing her hoof. "Eventually, though, I knew that you would never accept it. After all, I was just some growing colt with hormones on the mind. So, I killed my ambitions and grew up."

The Princess had managed to control her emotions long enough to not sound desperate when she opened her mouth next. "But why? Why not some other mare that you knew? Surely you could find something closer to home. Why me?"

Pipsqueak chuckled, leaning into his Princess's embrace. "Because I trust you."

Luna's eyes widened. She could feel a shock of electricity running down her spine, and a _need _that needed to be addressed very, very soon. It was the kind of feeling that one possesses when they desperately need to pee, but they are wrapped tight in a blanket, behind a heavy door, and the bathroom is on the other side of the house, up the stairs and behind two rooms that may or may not be locked.

"Pip," she said, gasping. Her excitement, she feared, was rubbing against Pipsqueak's tail, and could be anypony that happened to walk past at any given moment.

"Yes?" he asked innocently, completely aware of her 'situation'.

"If you would do me the honor of following me back to my chambers and _rutting me into next week_, I would be _ever _so grateful." In her arousal, she had to restrain herself from using the Royal Canterlot voice, which would have been a mistake that would cause even greater harm to her already tenuous public image.

She gaped as Pipsqueak tapped his chin in mock-contemplation—the little bastard was actually taking his sweet time!

"Will there be candy?" he asked.

"Yes!" she nearly howled. "Of the everlasting variety!"

"I accept." Pipsqueak said, a small smile on his face.

As she immediately focused her magic around the two of them, Luna's horn began to glow a dull blue.

"Ooh, are we going to be teleporting?" her calico-coated friend asked eagerly.

It was a testament to Luna's skill as a spellcaster that she could speak while using magic. "No, it's far too flashy for where we're going. We shall be using a much quieter form of travel called disapparation."

"Sounds fun!" Pipsqueak squeaked, latching on to Luna's withers.

"Prepare to be disappointed," she replied.

The two of them sped off into the distance, leaving with not as much as a whisper.

* * *

As she approached her room, Luna felt a vague sense of foreboding.

_I know I remembered to keep the window open. What could it be—_

Just as soon as she touched down, Luna sped back into the air, racing along the corridors towards her sister's room.

_NOPENOPENOPENOPE_

Private Easterly looked up, releasing his Princess's hair from his mouth. "Did you hear something?"

"No!" she moaned, wrapping her tail around the guard who had stopped so suddenly in the middle of their 'rendezvous'.

He shrugged, before lining himself back up with Celestia's hips and continuing his sacred duty.

Meanwhile, Princess Luna and Pipsqueak landed in Celestia's room, Luna panting with both exertion and surprise, while Pipsqueak wobbled toward the nearest wastebasket.

"I immediately regret this decision!" he moaned, dry heaving into a trash can.

"Celestia, having relations on _my bed?_" she screeched. "How _dare_ she!" Luna turned, grabbing Pipsqueak by the tail with her mouth and dragging him to Celestia's incredibly large bed, spacious enough to accommodate at least four alicorns of her size. "We shall pay back her transgressions ten-fold!" Luna vowed, sitting on her haunches and spreading her wings defiantly. "Pipsqueak! Make it extra sloppy!"

Pipsqueak nodded, laying down on his stomach, legs in the air. "Alright, Lulu, do your worst."

Luna frowned, flapping her wings impatiently. "I thought we were agreed on copulation?"

Pip rolled his eyes, waving his tail. "You could at least _try _to be romantic, Lulu. There needs to be foreplay first, you can't just 'go for the gold' right away."

Luna sighed, complying as she walked over and positioned herself over her enthusiastic friend. "Alright, but I thought you would be taking the reins?" she said, for lack of a better euphemism.

Pip grinned, wrapping both hooves around her back. "I don't recall saying that I wasn't going to." He darted forward and ensnared her in a kiss that both of them had been waiting far too long for. His tongue pushed against hers defiantly, beating it against the walls of her mouth like it owed him money. Distracted by his finesse, Luna moaned as he caressed her wings at the same time, moving his hooves just as she had imagined earlier that day. Every part of his body was in motion, his hindlegs subtly spreading hers to weaken her stance on the bed, before she finally fell with a yelp. Before she could react, Pipsqueak wrapped his hindlegs around her waist, holding her in place as he slowly ground his stallionhood against her quivering lips.

Luna tried to pull away, being overcome with too much sensation in too little time. Pipsqueak's iron grip prevented it, however, and she was forced to moan into his mouth, legs and wings quivering.

Seemingly content with their kissing, Pipsqueak released the moon princess from his grip, taking advantage of her surprise by flipping her onto her back, then seizing her hindlegs so that her stomach was facing him and her marehood leveled with his face.

Luna was shocked from being moved so quickly, though she couldn't deny her satisfaction with how the younger pony had taken charge of their lovemaking. She only had a single problem…

"Ah, Pip, I'm kind of…stuck," she said, buried to her forehead in her sister's bed due to her horn. She was level with his bottom, and she had to admit, she was _impressed_.

_I guess the name Pipsqueak only really applied to him in his youth. _ She gulped. _I just hope I don't get split in half!_

Pipsqueak laughed heartily, nipping Luna on one of her cheeks, to her surprise. "Well then, I'd say that you're right where I want you." He pulled her hindlegs, bringing her hips closer to his face, before hugging her torso tightly, driving his lips into her marehood.

It was all Luna could do to wiggle in place, flailing her legs around madly as her wings flapped frantically. "GAH! Please, _do _try to show some resTRAINT!" she screeched when he hit a particularly sensitive spot.

Pipsqueak ignored her, burying his face into her nethers as Luna desperately grabbed at a nearby pillow to scream into. Eventually, he found her throbbing clitoris, despite the lack of light in the room, and centered his lips around it, sucking _hard _while Luna beat her hooves furiously into the bedframe. After a few more seconds of tortuous please, her mouth opened in a silent scream, wings stiffening as she felt the immediate rise of an orgasm. A powerful trembling from her stomach wracked her body, heat rising to her marehood as her legs slackened, held up only by Pipsqueak's forelegs. Her scent coated her stallion's snout as she came, and he staggered from the force of it, before licking up the last bits of moisture from around her thighs.

"Sorry," she moaned, panting into the bed. "It's been a couple of centuries since that last happened."

Pipsqueak rubbed her flank sympathetically, making a cooing sound. "Aww, poor baby." He kissed her on her cutie mark, pulling her from the bed as he sat her on her stomach. "I'll be sure to help you catch up on what you've missed."

He urged her to stand up. "Haunches up, Lulu," he coaxed.

She groaned pathetically. "But my legs are so tired…"

Pipsqueak smacked her lightly, but firmly, on her flank. "Haunches _up_."

_Hello! _ She complied, raising her bottom against his stomach. Her tail lifted, moving around Pipsqueak's back to intertwine with his own tail.

"Any special requests?" he asked, positioning his member with her lower lips, head poised at her entrance.

"Fuck me until your seed runs down my legs," she said, growling lightly. "And then some more, for good measure."

Pipsqueak nodded, delighting in how sexy Luna could be when she wasn't acting like a clumsy fool. "Sounds fair enough." He pushed forward into her narrow hips in one fluid motion, not stopping until his pelvis met the small of her ass.

She was so tight, he marveled, that he had to congratulate himself on not coming immediately inside of her.

"Well?" Luna said impatiently, gathering her breath for the extremely strenuous activity that was undoubtedly soon to follow. She looked over her shoulder, eyes widening when she saw that Pipsqueak was sweating already. "Are you alright?"

Pipsqueak panted, breathing slowly for a moment before he nodded in reply. "Yeah, I just…let me get adjusted to this."

Luna waited patiently for her stallion to recompose himself, sighing in relief when he once again planted both of his forelegs on either side of her and drew his hips back. She giggled when she realized that the tightness of their joining was causing her to move slightly backwards as well, before he once again was connected to her only by the tip.

Luna looked over her shoulder, smirking at the calico-coated stallion penetrating her. "Aww, poor _baby_. Should Miss Lulu go get you some milk?" she asked, pouting her lips and wiggling her hips to tease him.

Pipsqueak narrowed his eyes, the only hint that he was going to stop making love to Luna and was going to start _fucking her shit_.

He said nothing, only biting down on her neck gently, like she had done earlier that night, and then _slammed _into her, resistance be damned.

Luna's patronizing smirk was replaced with shock, her mouth hanging open and eyes rolling back. Pipsqueak had to fight to stay on her back as her wings struggled against his chest.

Still, he rolled his hips backward, pulling his thick stallionhood out of her before slamming it back in, enjoying how he had pushed hard enough to momentarily lift her haunches off of the mattress, causing the bed to creak. He picked up the pace, making her legs lift and drop with every thrust, craving the sounds that resembled tiny yelps each time he filled her to the hilt. Luna's moans gradually grew higher and higher in volume, her arousal reaching the point where she arched her back into his, the top of her neck rubbing against the bottom of his, crying out her appreciation for all he was doing. Her wings finally found their way from under Pipsqueak's chest, flapping uselessly at her sides.

"Harder," she moaned, pressing up against him as hard as she could.

"As you wish, your Tightness," Pipsqueak muttered.

She wasn't so far gone that she allowed him to get away with that, so she elbowed him in the gut.

Pipsqueak braced himself, and then _really _started shoving into her, minding the crude sounds of their flesh colliding and Luna's frenzied moans as he decided to stop fucking her shit and to decided to start _annihilating her shit._

He managed a few thrusts every few seconds, his mare rewarding him with an enthusiastic "AH!" every single time. His force was so great that he was quite literally fucking her into the mattress, having to pull her back once in a while because he kept pushing her away accidentally.

Gradually, the two of them built each other up to another crashing orgasm, the feeling rising to their haunches like a scorching hot tidal wave. Pipsqueak leaned down with his mouth, grabbing Princess Luna's hair in his teeth, and continued to buck into her for all he was worth. Luna laughed wildly as she was lifted off of her front hooves, pawing at the air meaninglessly.

Luna's walls clenched at his member like a vagina possessed, causing his tip to flare inside of her. The two of them let out tired, satisfied groans as they both reached their peaks and went careening off, the heat leaving their bodies as soon as it rose.

Spurt after spurt of ropy coils of semen sprang forth from her stallion's member, filling Luna to the brim and causing more than a little to dribble down her legs in hot streams. After admiring her legs for a moment, Luna made a point of rubbing them deep into Celestia's sheets.

_Take_ that,_ skank._

The two best friends panted as they rolled on their backs, exhausted from what had transpired that evening and their recent activities. Pipsqueak looked over at his best friend, grinning boyishly. He wrapped her in his forelegs and pulled her to his chest.

"Again?" she rasped. Luna was by all means eager and willing, but she wasn't quite so sure that her body would comply.

"In a bit," Pipsqueak replied, chuckling deeply. "Now shut up so I can cuddle you. Bitches _love _cuddling."

"What?"

"Nothing, Lulu."

And so, on that most wonderful of nights, the two lovers rested. And then got up, and did it.

Like, a _lot._


End file.
